My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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