god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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