So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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