If that was your dad, he is hot
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
