well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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