Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
