Nicole vs. Life
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
