At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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