Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
