ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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