You made me cry and you don't even care
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
