So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
