God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
