I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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