I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
