I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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