i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
God, I missed his penis.
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