he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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