so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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