if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
