I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
