Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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