meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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