need another drink. this is the easiest way
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
