After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
