once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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