In the future we'll all be gay
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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