Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
