I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
