Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
