none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
