Your mouth is God's brothel.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
