I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
