Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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