The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
