I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
