hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
