her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
