god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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