capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
