dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
