She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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