how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize