I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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