I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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