i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
