we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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