anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
