im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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