I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
