There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
